


Heaven is Forever

by popculturesavvyangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, My First Destiel Fanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-06-17
Packaged: 2018-02-04 03:55:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1764609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popculturesavvyangel/pseuds/popculturesavvyangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean is pronounced dead, Castiel is unable to handle the truth or cope with it. Freeing Lucifer from the cage, he makes a deal with the devil to bring him back to life, at the cost of Sam dying in his stead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Destiel Fanfiction! Let me know how I'm doing!

There was nothing in the world that could cure Castiel’s despair. As he had feared, the Mark of Cain had consumed Dean Winchester and there wasn’t a single thing that Castiel could do about it. He tried talking to him. He tried to comfort him, but in the end, there was no way he could avoid what was destined for him. He had been consumed by a darkness that could no longer be caged and it turned him into a monster. 

Despite Castiel’s attempts to get to Dean as quickly as possible, it had been too late. Metatron had revealed that the _one_ person he had meant to save was now dead. Forever gone. There was no going back. His heart wrenched in horror and he gnashed his teeth in utter rage. He had never felt so shaken before. If only he had gotten out sooner. By the time Metatron was imprisoned and he had gotten to the bunker to see his fallen comrade, he had found Sam Winchester drinking the guilt away. Too drunk to even hold a conversation, Castiel decided to leave him be and find him on his own.

There he was, motionless on his bed in the one place he could finally call home. It made sense for Sam not to bury his brother--why would he do such a thing when he belonged home? He belonged safe in his room--a place that he was able to call his and his alone. Although nothing could prepare Castiel for what would happen next. Only hours later, the man whom he was meant to save had _disappeared_. He was gone without a trace.

There were no words that could express how Castiel was feeling other than intense grief. Denial. People were starting to think he was crazy. Slumped over in a chair for hours, just looking over his shaky palms, whispering under his breath the words he wish he could have said before he had to go. 

The voices in his head were no help. And soon, Castiel began to wonder if they were right. He was nothing without Dean. Absolutely useless. Everything he did, he did for him. He risked so much and now it amounted to nothing. The continuous pacing, the muttering to himself, every bit of worry he felt was beginning to drive him down. He had to do something, and the only person who he knew could help him was stuck. Trapped in the cage, deep in the pits of Hell.

Perhaps it was time for a journey. 

Nothing could prepare Castiel for this journey, but he had made his decision and he wasn’t about to turn around now. With what little grace he had left burning inside of him, he had forced himself into the pits of Hell, and he was destined to get answers. Dean was trapped here and there was no way he was going to get him out of here all on his own. He needed help.

Breaking down the door of what appeared to be a large warehouse settled in the deepest, darkest incarceration of Hell, Castiel surged through the halls furiously, and his wings expanded across the shadows of the room as the lights flickered on and off. Nothing was going to get in the way of his goal. Not this time. When he made it to the room which had been locked in more ways than one, Castiel snarled under his breath, using everything in his power to break through. One by one, each lock snapped off, and as the door swung open, the darkness inside engulfed the hallway with shadows that were escaping, like lost, tortured souls, running from anything and everything locked inside.

A white light shot out of the room quickly, slamming Castiel back against the wall as he grunted in pain. It did not stop, it simply kept moving forward, away from the scene. Slowly peering back into the room, there was a darkened figure sat against the wall, one hand over his face while the other was against his side, holding it as if in pain.  
“Castiel,” the voice growled. 

As Castiel’s face had blanched, he shifted his gaze away from him before slowly stepping into the room. “I’m sorry to show up like this. I’ve freed you for a reason though. I need your help.”

Looking up from his hand, the man narrowed his eyes, revealing his messy, blond hair and piercing, sinister eyes. “First you and your friends send me into this God forsaken prison, and now you free me and want me to do you a favor?” 

“Lucifer, _please_ ,” Castiel’s eyes became desperate. “Dean is dead. You’re the only person who I know can bring him back. I will do anything.”

The devil’s eyes suddenly lit up with curiosity as he tilted his head, his eyebrows perked up slightly. “Well isn’t that just fascinating!”

Getting up from the corner of the cell, he staggered for a moment, weakened from what seemed like an eternity of fighting. “You want me to bring him back to life, is that it?” 

Castiel nodded pleadingly. “Please.”

The corners of Lucifer’s lips curled into a smirk as he started to pace around the poor angel. “Well then… I can do that for you, but it’s going to cost you.” 

“What do you want?” Castiel grit his teeth in nervous manner. 

“First of all, I cannot bring him back to life without replacing the soul of another. If I do bring back Dean, then Sam will die in his place. Memories will be rearranged so that it is believed that Sam was the one who died,” the serpent sneered as he stopped directly in front of Castiel. “I will do all of this for one small payment of your grace. I am weakened from constantly fighting.” 

Feeling his body stiffen at his words, Castiel had to make a quick decision. Had Dean found out that he was willing to trade his place with Sam, he would never forgive him… but how could he let everything he risked go down the drain? He had to be selfish, just this once. And losing his grace was well worth the price. “Fine. You can have it.”

“There’s one more thing,” Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “If Dean finds out that we had this little arrangement… you’ll be in quite the predicament. I can’t risk having Dean running around and letting people know that I’m free. If he finds out anything at all, I’ll send my darkest of demons to drag you kicking and screaming back to the pit.”

The thick lump in Castiel’s throat made it hard to breathe. He could feel sweat on his brow as it slowly trickled down the side of his cheek, his breathing becoming uneasy. Was he willing to take this risk? Looking down to his shaky hands, he had to think quick. Dean or Sam? Who was more important.

No, that isn’t even a question. Shaking his head and biting his lip in desperation, he swallowed hard as his voice cracked. 

“I agree to the terms.”


	2. Chapter 2

Gasping awake in a cold sweat, Castiel sprung from the bed he was apparently sleeping in, looking around in confusion. Was he really asleep? Pressing a finger to his forehead, the usual warming feeling of being healed was not comfort to him. It felt as though nothing happened. The rumble in his stomach then gave him the cold hard truth.

He was a human again, which meant either his grace had burned out and he dreamed of freeing Lucifer, or it really happened. Quickly shrugging his coat on, he immediately exited the room to see he was in the Men of Letters Bunker. He hurried himself through the main area, wondering what set of eyes he was going to run into.

“Cas?” a deep, pained voice called out. Castiel froze, his eyes widened.

Standing in the doorway, Castiel saw a familiar hunter slumped over in a chair, his eyes puffy and red. “Dean,” he murmured warily.

There was an uncomfortable silence between them for a long moment until Dean wiped his hand over his eyes. He appeared to be crying. Castiel simply stood, watching him as his head slowly tilted to the side in curiosity. 

“Sammy’s gone, Cas.”

 _Oh no._ Castiel’s heart skipped a beat. So it worked… whatever Lucifer did worked. A lump filled the back of Castiel’s throat as his gaze hardened on the hunter. He had no words to say—he knew this was his own damn fault.

Dean saw something change in Castiel’s gaze so he quickly stuffed back his feelings as he cleared his throat hurriedly. “What’s up with you?”

His eyes fixing to Dean’s, Castiel clamped his teeth together quickly as he started to feel dizzy. “It’s nothing to worry about, Dean.”

"Like Hell it is," Dean shook his head. "Something's up. What happened?"

Thinking of an excuse quickly, Castiel's stomach then rumbled once more, reminding him of the cost of the deal. "My grace..." he began, feeling his mouth go dry as he spoke. Every lie he uttered made him feel terrible. "It burned out. It appears that it did not kill me after all. I'm just human once more."

"Dammit, Cas, I thought you said you would recharge your batteries!" Dean shook his head, running a hand over his hair.

"Dean, I will not put my people in danger to simply give me a head start," his voice strained once more as his palms began to sweat. As he looked up an down Dean's body to make sure that there was no negative effect to bringing him back to life, his eyes suddenly fixed to his arm, his stomach lurching. 

The mark was gone. Where did it go? Staring for a long moment in confusion, Dean narrowed his eyes as he shook his head. "What are you looking at?"

"I think the real question is what I'm _not_ looking at," Castiel narrowed his eyes. "The mark is gone."

Dean's face washed over with guilt once more as he let out a troubled breath. "I passed it to Sam. I... I'm not sure why I did, but he begged me to do it, but wasn't strong enough to hold the burden. It killed him immediately."

Now Castiel felt absolutely terrible. There was a heaviness in the room that was intensifying with every word Dean uttered and it made him want to vomit. He turned himself around so that he would have to face him. Lying through his teeth made him feel absolutely disgusting, but he knew the price if he were to come clean.

Running a hand over his face once more, Dean shook his head. "I'm a killer, Cas. You should leave before you die too." 

Looking back around quickly as he pressed his lips together tightly, Castiel shook his head. "No, Dean. I will never leave your side. We've been through too much. I'm... I'm sorry. I wish I knew of the words to comfort you. " 

"Yeah, me too. And thanks, I guess." Dean got up from the seat as he headed into the kitchen area. "While you're human though, I'm making some breakfast. What do you want?" 

Castiel frowned. Ugh, he was so bad at this. He wasn't sure how to be human properly, let alone decide what to eat. Giving Dean a blank stare, Dean then smirked and shook his head.

"I'll just heat up some breakfast burritos."

Castiel felt his ears burn as his throat got thick once more, nodding as he then followed him into the kitchen, sitting down at the table. He kept quiet for the most part. It was going to take a while fro things to go back to normal... or well, as normal as things could get.

When Dean had finished heating up the burritos, Castiel couldn't remember a time he ate faster. Perhaps it was because of how anxious he was, or maybe he really was just that hungry. He wasn't sure, though. All he knew was that he was back to these annoying human routines. Today was going to be hard. Castiel and Dean would have to bury Sam.


	3. Chapter 3

Several weeks went by and Castiel wasn't sure whether or not he was truly in dream mode or reality. Part of him still believed that his grace really did burn out and that he was in a strange comatose heaven where Dean was alive... but if that were the case, then Sam should have survived as well. This was nowhere near heaven. If it were, everyone would be happy and alive. The idea of this made him nervous and he absolutely hated that he had to make such a foul decision.

Dean attempted to return to his normal life of hunting, although rather than traveling with Sam, Castiel was now his partner in crime. Being human, Castiel made it very apparent that he was now useless and did no one any good and Dean was determined to show him that he could still help the world become a better place by fighting demons. He wasn't himself though. Dean had a different look in his eyes now. Every so often, Castiel wondered if he should admit to what he had done, but he knew that it'd end badly for both of them. It wasn't something that was going to go away easily, but time _would_ heal the situation. _Hopefully_.

After finishing a particularly tricky case involving some vampires, the two of them headed to a motel to begin some more research. Dean had not talked the entire way home and Castiel wasn't going to bother him. He was just happy to have him alive and by his side. When they arrived back to the motel, Dean immediately kicked off his shoes and flopped onto his bed, flipping open his laptop to begin looking up some new cases. Castiel walked in, shrugging off his trench coat as he sat down at the table, looking around aimlessly. 

"You can turn on the TV you know," Dean spoke without looking up from the laptop. "As long as you don't watch porn again."

Looking over to Dean with a frown, he quickly shook his head. "I'm fine just being here in your company, Dean."

An uncomfortable silence swept over the room. Dean watched him for a long moment, concern plastered over his face. "Are you okay, dude? You've been off the past few weeks."

Castiel quickly put up a hand in protest. "I'm fine. I'm more worried about you."

"I'll survive."

"You always say that."

Watching each other suspiciously, neither moved from their spots, just giving each other cautious gazes. Dean finally sighed, closing the laptop as he then moved it to the side of his body. Sitting up on the bed, he ran a hand over his face. "Alright, Cas. What's up?"

"Nothing is 'up', Dean," Castiel felt a burning in his ears as he looked down.

"See, that's a load of bull. I know when something is bothering you."

"It's not of import," Castiel waved up his hand dismissively before getting up. "Please don't let me interrupt your research."

He immediately moved to head out of the door, but Dean quickly jumped to his feat, standing in front of him to block the way out. He then put a hand on his shoulder, watching him seriously. "You're not leaving, Cas. You're worrying me and I just want to know you're okay."

"Dean, let me pass," Castiel couldn't bring himself to look at the hunter, his throat growing thick.

"Not until you tell me what's going on." Dean's gaze hardened.

Looking up desperately, Castiel felt his heart begin to race as his cheeks reddened nervously. "Dean, _please_..."

"I already lost Sam, Cas" Dean's voice suddenly wavered. "Don't let me lose you too."

Castiel's eyes widened as he quickly took a few steps back in surprise as more guilt took hold of him, clutching him by his throat as he found it much harder to breathe now. These overwhelming, _foreign_ feelings... they were driving him insane.

"Dean, you aren't going to lose me," Castiel tried his hardest to keep a steady voice. "I've risked so much for you. Everything I've ever done was to help _you_. How could I leave after everything?"

"Cas, I'm sure you'd find your reasons. Everyone leaves eventually."

" _Not me_." Castiel growled defensively. "I could never. Don't you understand, Dean? All that I've done, all of my rebelling--everything I've ever risked losing--all of it was for you. _Because_ of you. It was _always_ you, Dean!" 

Dean's face blanched as he bit his lip nervously, "Cas, I never asked for it."

"You didn't have to."

"So what then? What does it all mean then? Why risk so much for someone like me!?" Dean glared, his voice becoming angered.

"You and I both know of the bond we hold--"

"But _why_!? What does that bond mean!?" What could possibly possess you to feel so protective that you'd risk _everything_ for me?" Dean glared.

Castiel opened his mouth to respond, but immediately stopped himself, looking around desperately for some sort of answer. In truth, he had no idea. Looking back at Dean fearfully, his voice began to shake. "I don't know..."

Raising an eyebrow, Dean shook his head with an irritated sign. "Well I guess you better figure that out then."

Castiel couldn't get rid of the pit sitting in his stomach. He could feel his heart beating through his chest. There was more to Dean Winchester than Castiel wanted to believe. There was more to these feelings than he wanted to as well. He felt so small, but he was holding way too many emotions in one place. He felt like a paperweight, stepping all over his feelings.


	4. Chapter 4

Days upon days seemed to pass and Castiel still found it hard to hold a conversation with Dean before getting worked up. It seemed as though every time he tried, his voice would hitch up, his throat would close, and his stomach would tighten into a knot so tight, he felt as though he was going to vomit. Being human was not something that he would ever get used to, and neither would he get used to these foreign feelings that seemed to flutter in his chest whenever Dean was in sight. 

While keeping mostly to himself, the awkward silences between them seemed to make hunting much less enjoyable. Rather than talking things out and trying to figure things out a as a team, they would arrive to the scene and go their separate ways. Only when they absolutely needed to, would they talk. It irritated Dean, to no end, but he was not about to let go of what this "bond" between them meant, and he wasn't going to cave until he found out, just because he missed his best friend. Even he couldn't admit that to himself, it was just how he was.

Castiel went on walks a lot. To clear his head when the two were not on hunting trips, he would often leave for several hours in the afternoon, just walking anywhere and everywhere. On this particular day, they were nestled in Cody, Wyoming, dealing with vengeful spirits that were hiding around burial grounds in the mountains. Castiel couldn't pass up on a nice hike before resting that evening, so while Dean had made himself comfortable, watching his anime, he walked out without a word. Dean always knew he'd come back in the end.

Making his way to the top of a mountain, Castiel leaned up against a tree, looking over the valleys, the sound of silence making his ears ring. Despite being the middle of summer, the air was thin and chilled as frost settled over the barely matured grass and weeds. The smell of pine filled his senses as the wind made his ears burn, turning red and becoming numb. Everything was beautiful and Castiel wouldn't change it for the world. 

_If only Dean was there_. That's the first thing that came to Castiel's mind as he looked over the valleys, and his smile had suddenly faltered. Why did he feel like this all the time? His stomach was constantly churning with an irrevocable twist, making him feel incredibly anxious. The weight of this foreign feeling pulled on his lungs, making it exhausting to try and breathe normally. His heart was always rushing in beats, his ears burning and his throat thick from the nerves. He recalled having feelings somewhere similar to these before, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

Castiel had to do something, but felt as though he couldn't. He continued to push away the wonders of what Dean and his bond truly signified, and he wasn't ready to confront it. It felt so strange and _human_ \--the one thing he would never be good at. He was so desperate for answers, yet anytime he tried to decipher them, he could feel his body begin to ache in fear and he would immediately press onto another matter. Dean stopped prying. He stopped talking completely, really. When Castiel had made it clear that he wasn't going to answer, he gave up, not just on finding out, but on himself.

Dean couldn't find the motivation to do much anymore. He kept hunting for a little while to keep Castiel busy, but he didn't care for the family business anymore. He was tired. He was lonely. He felt completely empty. Truth be told, when he lost Sammy, he lost himself. He was just an empty shell. He was like a pebble in the mud, drowning in rainwater, and once he was under, no one had found him. Not even Castiel.

He hoped that hunting with Castiel would ease the pain, but with him being so distant and awkward, he found it hard to keep going. He said he was afraid of losing what family he had left, but he knew that Castiel was gone the moment he became human. Something in him had changed, but he couldn't put his finger on it. So while Castiel would disappear into the evenings to god knows where, Dean would spend his nights staring at the ceiling, wishing he had died instead of Sammy, drinking until he could finally fall asleep.

Castiel came to the motel late that night. Tired and sore from the hike, he shrugged off his trench coat and slipped into a chair to rest before changing into something more comfortable to sleep in. The static of the TV was on low volume, left on simply for white noise. Dean was on his back, hands over his eyes above the covers, still wearing his shoes. It had appeared that he had not moved from that spot since Castiel had left. Frowning in concern, he cleared his throat, trying to find words to say.

"Dean." 

"Huh," Dean rasped in a low, monotonous breath.

"Have you eaten?" 

There was a silence between them as Dean's hands slowly slipped from his face, one falling to his side and the other off the bed completely, limp and without effort. 

"Dean."

"What, Cas?" Dean's voice raised with a tinge of hostility. 

"Please just answer my question. Have you eaten today?" he frowned, seeing the empty bottle of whisky knocked over on the bedside table. 

"I haven't been hungry," he growled.

"But you've been drinking," Castiel sighed.

"So? You know I drink, Cas, that's nothing new." 

" _But you're not eating_ ," Castiel hissed, narrowing his eyes.

There was a long, drawn out silence between them, the feedback of the TV drowning the sounds of their breathing. 

Dean opened his eyes slightly, his head ever-so-slightly tilting to bring Castiel into view. "Don't worry about me, Cas, I'm a grown man."

"I always worry, Dean." he started. "I never stop worrying."

Bringing himself up slightly to lean himself back against the headboard, Dean narrowed his eyes, looking over Castiel in bewilderment. He was drunk. He was angry. He was also afraid, though. He was afraid he'd say or do something stupid. He had hoped Castiel would just ignore him and let him try to fall asleep before the darker thoughts took hold of him, or the anger flared up.

"Humor me, Cas," he finally spoke, rubbing the side of his face with his palm. "I've already given up on trying to find out why. But you better have a damn explanation as to why you're so nosy."

"Ever since we've gotten here, all you have done is laid in your bed and drink. You _always_ eat, Dean, and you're not anymore. You continue to ask me what the matter is and avoid when the question is brought onto you." 

"Maybe that's because it doesn't fucking matter what I feel, Cas!" he glared, his voice wrenched in irritation. "Sammy's gone! Whatever happened to your grace took you with it, so I've already lost you. You're so damn quiet all the time, constantly doing whatever you think will appease me, but then you act so scared all the time and won't tell me what's going on!" 

"Dean, please, this isn't about me--"

"Hell if it's not." Dean sat himself up, resting his feet on the ground as his voice hitched up slightly. "You're hiding something. Something big. What are you so afraid to tell me? Are you afraid that I'll get pissed and leave you for dead? Is this about Metatron? Or Crowley? Damn it, Cas, is it about _Sammy_ , cause I'm running out of ideas of what you could possibly be so afraid to tell me!" 

His eyes growing small and his voice desperate and wavoring, Cas immediately shot up from the chair defensively, his ears burning. _No_. He wanted to tell Dean so badly what he had done to save him, but he couldn't. It'd ruin everything. Everything he worked so hard to preserve. "D-Dean, just calm down, it has nothing to do with that, I'm not hiding anything--"

"Don't lie to me, Castiel," Dean immediately lifted himself from the bed, staggering forward until he was directly in front of him. "Tell me what's got you so worked up. Something's not right. If you did something and you're hiding from it, you _know_ you can tell me. You're looking at the king of rebellion here."

What was he going to do? He was in panic mode and his heart was beating so loudly he couldn't think of an excuse fast enough to cover up whatever emotions were written across his face as his face had blanched. His voice grew small, like a child's that misbehaved and was awaiting punishment as he let out a whimper in apprehension. He didn't know what to say. For once, he just didn't know what to say. Not even to defend himself. 

"Just tell me, Cas," Dean's gaze softened, seeing the fear that had gripped onto Castiel tightly. "Cas, please, you can tell me anything."

Those feelings were back. That fluttering knot that was twisting around in his core, making his chest flare with uneven breaths. His mouth went dry as he tried to think of what to say. _The bond_. Dean would forget about this if he just said something about the damn bond. His lip quivering, he tried to keep his voice flat, but it choked upon speaking. "The bond, Dean." 

"What about it?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know what to say, Dean. The bond is more important than you will ever realize--" he choked, his voice cracking. "You mean more to me than anything. I chose you over _everything_."

"We've been through this already, Cas, just tell me what it fucking means!"

"T-The only thing I can think of to even explain _minimally_ what it means," Cas swallowed hard, "is love."

Dean's face suddenly scrunched in confusion, his head tilting forward slightly as if he had heard that incorrectly. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Damn it, Dean, you heard me." he huffed out nervously. "I love you. There, I said it again. I love you, Dean. I love you!" 

And before Dean even had a chance to respond, Castiel couldn't think of any other way to distract him, except to push his hands into Dean's cheeks, pulling his face toward his own and crashing his lips against his. 

His heart had skipped a beat, and every fiber in his being had suddenly relaxed so _heavily_ , and the only thing he could compare it to was an atomic bomb dropping into an ocean as the blast sent waves out in every direction, sweeping over everything and washing it under. At first, Dean was stiff, his eyes wide as he had moved one foot backwards to step away, but as if he was suddenly given some serum of ease, he leaned into Castiel's touch, his eyes drooping tiredly closed as his hands pulled Castiel impossibly closer as they rested at his waist. 

The kiss lasted for ages, it seemed, but as their lips had pulled apart slowly, their faces still inches away from each other, Castiel could feel Dean's breath against him. There was a silence between them, their eyes just watching each others, and Castiel was becoming nervous again, his hands still rested upon his cheeks. 

"I love you too, Cas," Dean murmured, his lips brushing against Castiel's. "I always tried to deny it, but I do. I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me some feedback <3


End file.
